Nothing compares to her

Once upon a time, before silicone and Botox, before Sex and the City, artificial tan, and duckface, there were women with natural looks, and more importantly, natural minds. They were beautiful, each in her own special way, with unique features that made them so different from one another. And yet, the climate of their homeland gave them certain quality they shared, which made their origin obvious at the very first sight. While a woman from Latin America, for example, would easily be recognized by her voluptuous curves, Slavic women had always been known for their uniquely simple and pure beauty. One of those beautiful, sensual women was most certainly Lada, Slavic goddess of summer, love, and beauty.

Lada, or Lado, was a gentle flower, with long golden hair, perfect, light complexion, purple eyes, and raspberry lips. With a wreath made of fresh wildflowers and birch leaves in her hair, wearing a simple, white, softly transparent dress, she brought happiness and joy to people. Her symbols were ears of wheat and the Sun, and according to astrology, her planet was Venus.  

Although her life revolved around love, feeding the hungry, and achieving world peace, she was more than just a Miss World contestant coming from Jav. Apart from being more beautiful than all Victoria’s angels put together, she was also a woman of sharp mind, righteous, patient, and dignified. Although she was aware of her qualities, she was never vain or conceited. She didn’t need an elevator in her home to help her with the troubles of high heels, because she always walked barefoot. She didn’t need a home video of the most intimate kind, because the very way she moved was more erotic than any of those. She didn’t need to put make up on her face as soon as she woke up, because she had healthy rosy cheeks. She didn’t have to frown in order to make people notice her, her lovely, sincere smile was enough. She wasn’t arrogant, although she was proud. When she loved, she loved all the way, and she wasn’t afraid of showing it. No wonder she was the one to capture the heart of the god of war, Jarilo.

Side by side, they ruled the world seven months a year. While her man strived to obey Svarog’s laws and protect the Slavs, Lada awakened the nature and preserved its fertility by giving it enough sunlight, summer rain, and warm nights. Since she was the protector of young people, love, and relationships, people often prayed to her during various rituals, asking her to protect their future marriages or mend broken hearts. Her animals were deer, rooster, and ant, and her plants were cherry, dandelion, peony, and birch. Her songs are known as Ladaricas, and one of the Christian holidays related to Lada is the Day of the Holy Trinity.

Towards the end of fall, when cold and winter begin their reign, Jarilo and Lada used to retreat to their chambers and enjoy each other’s presence. We can only guess what happened behind those doors and what pleasures were enjoyed within those walls. After all, Lada was a lady, and she never talked about intimate matters in public, not even with her best friends, over a cup of hot coffee. 

Anyway, on several occasions, at the beginning of spring, Jarilo did appear with a few extra pounds. I’m not sure what that tells us about him, but it definitely shows that, apart from other skills, Lada possessed the one that men value most – the one of cooking.

( images retrieved from www.pinterest.com)

You know you’re a Slav if:

1. You use both Latin and Cyrillic alphabet effortlessly. 
   
2. If you’re a he, you’re the most handsome of all men.
3. If you’re a she, you are the fairest of all the ladies.
4. Bravery level: you enter a bear cave barehanded in order to save “the damsel in distress.”
5. Insanity level: you enter a bear cave barehanded just to prove how brave you are.
6. You don’t want to shake off that hangover, you want to maintain it.
7. You can be both a good guy and a bad guy in a Hollywood movie, except if you’re Russian. Then you’re definitely the bad guy.
8. When you swear, everybody in the world understands you.
9. When you protest against something, no one in the world understands you.
10. You’re not afraid of getting ill, because things like that don’t happen to you.
11. You’re the best at every single sport.
12. You can split your country in two, and then those two new countries into four, and so on, ad infinitum et ultra.
13. You love music more than you love bread, and you eat bread with pizza.
14. You always fall for the Three-card Monte trick.
15. You know many words from 13 different languages, although you’ve studied only one.
16. Although you’re glad your neighbor is doing worse than you are, you’ll always be there for him.
17. Every conspiracy theory involves your country.
18. Brandy/vodka is the universal cure for all illnesses and life’s problems.
19. You don’t agree with statement No. 12.
20. You’re proud of your Slavic origin, although you know other people’s history better than your own.